Let’s just get this out of the way: I find the above image as unsettling as you do.

In our next entry of the very SEO friendly feature of combining such ADD traditions as numbered lists and animal-related multimedia, we’ll talk about pigs, man.

Last time we met, we talked about frogs. And let’s admit it: it was awesome. We started it off with our old pal Kermit the frog, so I think it would more than appropriate to start this countdown with the Queen of sow business:

1. Miss Piggy

OK, so that was more than a little hot. That’s the definitive version of that song, if I’ve ever heard of it. Doesn’t it sound less like she’s surviving heartbreak, but more the oppression of a ruthless Pharoah? Yeah, that’s what I like about it.

Missy Piggy (voiced by Frank Oz) made her first known performance on the Herb Albert special, “Herb Alpert and the TJB” in 1974. Who’s Herb Albert? I don’t know. Notice how weird her voice is:

As you can see, she was a pretty big slut from the start.

Piggy then started off as a minor character on “The Muppet Show“, until her attention whore ways and tendency to sleep her way to the top pushed to the forefront. Miss Piggy thinks she is destined for stardom and is desperately in love with the show’s host, Kermit the frog, constantly throwing herself at him for the porking. Why is she into Kermit? He’s the host of the show, and that’s pretty alpha, bro.

She quickly became a major character, even surpassing Kermit in popularilty. She even wrote a book that got on the New York Times Best Seller List (seriously?).

Frank Oz once stated that Animal is a no dimensional character, Fozzie is two, but Piggy is a fully realized three dimensional character. He even gave her this back story, also in the New York times:

“She grew up in a small town in Iowa; her father died when she was young, and her mother wasn’t that nice to her. She had to enter beauty contests to survive, as many single women do. She has a lot of vulnerability which she has to hide, because of her need to be a superstar.”

There you have it, folks, all anyone in the world would ever need to know about Miss Piggy.

Oh, I should also mention that the Muppets had a couple other pigs, most notably the one with the weird chin. They’re probably most famous for the sketch “Pigs In Space.” This clip is definitely worth watching:

It seems unreal, but it makes sense that these Lucas creations and Henson creations would be hanging out considering Henson designed Yoda, and all.

2. Porky Pig

That part of some military training video for adults, or something made for animators, depending on which youtube commenter you believe.

There was a time where it could’ve been argued that Porky is more famous than little Miss, but honestly, I don’t think Looney Tunes characters are as possible with kids as they once were. Muppets either, for that matter. Kids watch way shittier programming these days.

Regardless, is Porky anyone’s favorite? Probably some, but I’d like to see the statistics on that.

Porky holds the distinction to be the first Warner Brothers character to draw audience based on star power. Designed by legendary animator Bob Clampett, Porky made his first appearance in the 1935 short, “I Haven’t Got A Hat” (they don’t name them like they used to, do they?). As you can see, he’s fat as shit and totally off model with the current design. His speech impediment is intact though, although it sounds like the helium levels are a bit higher than expected:

Did you watch that whole thing? It was 7 minutes. I kind of doubt you did. I don’t blame you, it was pretty weird. It was basically these characters going to school and making a presentation to their parents (why weren’t the pigs wearing shirts?). It was various cute animals singing little songs and whatnot, which are basically what cartoons from the 1930’s were. This one in particular was an attempt to make a cartoon version of “Our Gang” (also known as “The Little Rascals”). Does anyone else find cartoons from this era kind of creepy? I can’t help but think how everyone who worked on it is probably dead, it’s like watching a ghost.

I will say this, though: I liked the colors. The same characters appeared in the Tex Avery short, “Gold Diggers of 49″ in different roles. For some reason, this one doesn’t have color, so I don’t think I’m going to watch it. You can though. No one stopping you.

Even though Porky was in a supporting role, he still got most of the laughs, and the studio realized they had a star on their hands.

Porky was originally voiced by actor Joe Dougherty, who actually did have a stuttering problem. But that problem caused the studio to waste a lot of money on tape and stuff, so they hired animation legend Mel Blanc, who voiced most other famous Warner Brothers characters. He continued to star in films through out the 30’s, but his character was inconsistent, as his age, size, and personality varied every entry. Eventually, Clampett would nail down Porky as a permanent young adult, cuter and slimmer than the original design. This Porky was an innocent traveler taking on the wonders of the world, a “straight man” if you will. A classic example of Porky juxtaposed in strange surroundings is “Porky in Wackyland”, featuring everyone’s favorite Dodo.

Things got even crazier when he was paired with WB’s then most popular star (before Bugs Bunnyn came along), Daffy Duck, making Porky his effective sidekick in several cartoons, including “Duck Dodgers in the 24th and 1/2 Century.” This series was recently adapted in the Cartoon Network series of the same name, although I’m not sure if it’s still in production. This however, has given Porky a new life, and maybe kids will watch this instead of Bratz or something:

Porky also has a girlfriend, Petunia, who has no personality of her own and presumably does what she is told.

3. Pigs From “Animal Farm”

Oh man, 8th grade civics was awesome because of this book. In George Orwell’s “Animal Farm”, the author uses farm animals as an allegory for the revolution in communist Russia, using deceptively cutely named pigs like “Snowball” as stand ins for Trotsky and Stalin. It’s pretty fucked up. Things don’t go well for anyone.

I kind of wish all political events were explained in farm animal terms, otherwise I don’t really understand them.

4. Saw’s Pig Mask

OK, so I guess it’s not a real pig, but I’m presuming it was at some point. This is the pig that made my header image so disturbing.

In the “Saw” films (of which I’ve seen 3), the serial killer known as Jigsaw and his accomplices wear pig masks to conceal their identity. As the series progressed (without me), it was revealed that it was a tribute to “The Year of the Pig”, the year Jigsaw started his work. The original masks were latex strap ons that Jigsaw found at a Chinese New Years celebration.

In the real world, producers chose the mask to represent his view of the world and how his disease has left him “rotting”. The original mask wasn’t creepy enough, so they added long hair and pus coming out of his eyes. The mask today is a well known symbol of the franchise, as well as a popular Halloween costume.

5. Orson The Pig

I know that sucked, I’m sorry, but it was basically the only short clip I could find. Why was Garfield hanging out with Nermal in the beginning? They aren’t friends. And why didn’t that youtube user cut out that out of context part? What a JERK.

Anyways, as you may have guessed, Orson and his pals put the “friends” in “Garfield and Friends”. They were pretty cool, I guess. The show overall was good, from what I remember. Two words: pies up.

“U.S. Acres” or “Orsons Gang” was another comic strip by Garfield creator Jim Davis that ran from 1986-89, although its animated counterpart lasted longer.

Like Porky, Orson was the straight man among a bunch of whacky characters, and he spent most of the time trying to resolve and avoid conflicts. He also had older brothers who would beat the shit out of him from time to time. They were pretty cool.

6. Piglet

Wow he’s really riding him, isn’t he? I could only find clips of new school Winnie the Pooh ventures, which I don’t think anyone particularly treasures.

Like most characters in A.A. Milne’s original “Winnie The Pooh”, Piglet was based on one of his son’s (Christopher Robin) stuffed animals. His antics in that first book include hunting Woozles, attempting to capture Heffalumps, giving Eeyore a a popped birthday balloon.

Surprisingly, Piglet was not featured in the original 1966 Walt Disney short, “Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree.” His role was replaced by Gopher, who apparently had a more “all American grass roots” feel to him. But fans of the original book protested his absence, and he popped up in the second Pooh short, ” Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day,” and has been featured in every Pooh-related thing ever since. He was voiced by character actor John Fiedler from 1968 to 2005 (!). Perhaps you remember him as “Juror #2″ in “12 Angry Men”

Everyone knows that Piglet is kind of a bitch. But although he is scared of everything, he usually overcomes his fears and rise to the occasion. This is highlighted in Benjamin Hoff’s new age sequel to “The Tao of Pooh”, “The Te of Piglet.” The book argues that Piglet represents “the virtue of the small” and also possesses power because of the size of his heart, or Tzu.

Also, his favorite food is acorns.

7. Babe

I haven’t seen this movie since it first came out, does the dialogue always match up with the pig’s mouth movements so…uh… shittily? I know a girl who became a vegetarian because of this movie (Hi Christina!!!!@ Thanks for reading@@#$$!!!), and I could see that. Vegetarians need to exploit this movie more.

I don’t really want to talk about this movie, it’s not very interesting to me. HOWEVER, I hear the far less popular sequel, “Babe: Pig In The City”, is surprisingly dark.

The Onion’s AV Club even added “Pig In The City” to their “New Cult Canon.” They have explained it far better than I could have, so go here if you’re interested.

I guess “that’ll do.”

8. Gordy

Part of the surprisingly populated “put some sunglasses on an animal and call it a babysitter” subgenre that took the world by storm in the early 90’s. I remember a Mormon kid talking about how he really wanted to see this movie. That’s all the information I can give about this, but coincidentally, it’s all the information you need about “Gordy”. Both Babe and Gordy are probably dead now, just FYI.

9. Piggly Wiggly

Just look at that sign. I want to go to there.

Founded in 1916 in Memphis, Tennessee (where I hear people like to “rassle”), Piggly Wiggly was the first self service grocery store. The concept was patented by it’s owner, Clarence Saunders, who left the company for other self service products in 1935. Other stores soon followed, and consumerism evolved into the awesome thing it is today. It currently operates in the Midwestern and Southern regions of the United States. I don’t have one

What’s in the name? Well, according to its website (which I visited):

“Saunders’ reason for choosing the intriguing name Piggly Wiggly ® remains a mystery; he was curiously reluctant to explain its origin. One story is that he saw from a train window several little pigs struggling to get under a fence, and the rhyming name occurred to him then. Someone once asked him why he had chosen such an unusual name for his organization, and Saunders’ reply was, ‘So people will ask that very question.’ He wanted and found a name that would be talked about and remembered.”

That’s fucking brilliant.

10. Three Little Pigs

I didn’t want to include this since it’s technically folklore and not pop culture, but then I found this horrific image I was desperate to share with a mass (?) audience.

The oldest printed version of this story goes back to the 1840’s, but the story itself is thought to be much older. In the most famous version, the pigs are kicked out by their mother to go seek fortune. This is part of a classical theme of most fairy tales, where protagonists leave their safe surroundings and venture into the unknown. The story then plays out the also classic “rule of three” with the straw, bricks and you know how this goes. It went on to be adapted by everything everywhere.

Oh shit, I think I’m finally done. No, damnit, I forgot one more. The pig from “Charlotte’s Web”. Ok NOW I’m done. You may be wanting to point out that I forgot Bebop or Pumba, but those are hogs. Read more carefully next time.

This entry was brought to you by wikipedia and youtube.

Tags: Animal Kingdom of Pop, movies, tv // 3 Comments »