First thing’s first, I love Netflix. And if there’s anything that I like more than Netflix, it’s Netflix Instant play.

If you’re not familiar, Netflix streams a big chunk of its library to either your browser, cable box, or video game system. In great quality, sometimes HD. I have it on my Xbox 360 myself, and it even has a feature where you can watch a movie with your friend and talk about it on your headsets, or “emote” using your avatars.

It’s nothing short of amazing. But the library is limited. It doesn’t have everything you want. It’s roster is updated pretty regularly, however, and I like to go in once a week or so and see what kind of new additions they have. This involves a lot of scrolling through their menus, sifting through tons of movies I’m not interested in to get to the ones I do.

This has led me to come across some pretty terrible offerings in my time, and today I’d like to share them with you:

Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds
– Sadly, this is the kind of movie I usually end up watching. Not this particular one, but ones like it, like “Fired Up“, the movie about 2 dudes who join the cheerleading squad to get hella-laid. That one was actually pretty good. This title/ the guy-girl ratio on the cover, and the focal point, assure me that I should pass on this one.

Eye See You
- It has Sylvester Stallone, and it’s called “Eye See You.” Man + Snow + Gun = Movie

I Downloaded a Ghost
- and she charged 4.95 a minute. At least it’s not “Eye Downloaded a Ghost.” I appreciate the kind of ghost they downloaded, white sheet with holes cut out et/al. I guess it’s a beta version.

A Martian Christmas
- I don’t think they’re gonna convert. Regarding the cover, if one of these characters are visiting the others home planet, how are they breathing? That kind of scientific inaccuracy is REALLY going to piss kids off.

Elf Bowling: The Movie
- I’m unfamiliar with the franchise, but am a fan of holiday genocide, so chances about 50/50 I’ll watch this one.

Romeo and Juliet: Sealed With a Kiss
– All I want to know is: Do we get to see those seals commit suicide, or what?

Born to Be Wild- I actually remember seeing previews for this one, paying attention as I do regarding all things primate. However, the cover alone informs you that no child, you will not be seeing anything resembling an actual gorilla. I kind of also feel bad for the lead. He really mugs it up for the poster, presumably presuming this was his big break that will launch him to what can only be described as “Matthew Lillardt-level” success. But that didn’t happen. His filmography squandered into low level TV guest spots. One of his most recent forrays was as a character known as “Scott/Josh” in a movie called “7eventy 5ive.” How do I know this? I AM THIS DUDE.

Faeries - You’d probably like this one duhuhuhuhuh. Kate Winslet is in it.

Slappy & the Stinkers- All things aside, why are they all on top of that Asian guy? And I don’t think Stinker is quite to scale with his human entourage.

Fast Girl
- She’s a slut.

The Boy Who Saved Christmas - Hi, our production company’s art director is currently participating in a Microsoft Paint tutorial.

Here Comes the Grump - Because this is one of the things you want to be notified of in advance. I’d probably be a grump too if people and animals appeared in floating, unattached windows and laughed at me. I can’t help but actually wonder if the Grump gets married in this one, and the title is a play on that… Featuring Rip Taylor.

I Downloaded a Ghost - I didn’t mean to include this twice, but then again, maybe I did.

Shrooms – a horror movie about killer hallucinogenic mushrooms that I do legitimately consider watching every time I pass it. The time will come… someday.

We All Scream for Ice Cream - Yeah… this one too.

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