Hello and welcome back to “Web Sights”, Popfessor’s regular feature where I pilfer through screen shots of established and semi-established web domains and then proceed to mock/ analyze them.

This entry brings us all the way to www.jimcarrey.com , the official website of international funnyman and occasional emo fruitnut James Carrey. I worshiped Jim Carrey as a child. He was probably the first person I would call a “favorite actor.” With the one-two punch of “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” and “The Mask” (the latter of which I no longer like), the guy won over my prepubescent heart. “Dumb and Dumber“, “Batman Forever” (which unfairly gets mistaken for “Batman & Robin“), “Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls” (which I will defend to the grave), and “The Cable Guy” (ripped apart at first,  but I think it may one of, if not the, best of his movies) soon followed in a crescendo of comedy that would echo through the ages.

But not everyone was like me and every single person I knew in real life. There were these dicks, lets call them “critics”, who thought he was the end of Western Civilization as we know it.

And you know what? I think it hurt his feelings. The man wanted some god damned respect. So he pandered to these dicks. He tacked on some emotional bullshit to the otherwise “okay” “Liar Liar“, which was the beginning of the end.

Then came “The Truman Show“, which was actually really good. I was OK with him making the occasional foray into drama. Little did I know this foray would become much more than occasional.

After that, he continued to star in movies like “The Number 23” (I hear it’s awful), “The Majestic” (I saw it and know it’s awful), and “Man on the Moon” (that one was pretty good, but not great).  He also starred in the emo classic “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind“, of which I am somewhat indifferent. It’s a good movie, I guess, but not what my 5th grade self would’ve wanted in a Jim Carrey movie.

Oh sure, he continued to star in “comedies”, but his heart was never really in it. There always seemed to be something missing. Like an abused child, Carrey has been timid about going all the way in his comedic performances. He knew one slip up would cause those dick critics to hate on him and hurt his feelings again. Oddly enough, he continues to be his old self on talk show appearances, but critics don’t grade individual interviews.

So I felt that since 1995 or so, he turned his back on the people who loved him and proved eager to please the people who hated him. He’s still OK, though, I guess. He’s still pretty young, so I still have faith he will return in full form some day. In the meantime, I will watch his ghosts of Christmas past on cable or DVD or whatever newfangled media device comes out tomorrow.

Oh right, the website. Let’s go to it.

Uh, ok. So our first sight is the loading screen, which appears to be a centipede or millipede circling around itself. I don’t understand the significance. Do you?

So how does an aging emo funnyman express himself in the new media age?

That makes sense. He’s batshit insane. And from the look of the far right, I think he invented rockets or something. And he’s pretty proud of “Lemony Snicket’s a Series of Unfortunate Events“, which I did not see. Did any of you? Any good?

You gotta love the mask face popping out at the far right, with the tree growing out of it. That’s scary as shit. That bird at the top of the tree links to his twitter account, which you can check out here.  Or you could go to JimCarrey.com and go to it from there. It’s your choice, dude.

So, this looks pretty cool. It’s extremely flash heavy, so if you’re cool like me and have a web browsing mobile device, forget about looking at it while you take a shit at work. Just forget it. I know you had your heart set on it but just grab a magazine or play snake or something like that. Snake the arcade game, I mean.

You can also probably forget about looking at it on a weekend visit to your parent’s house, too. Unless you’re planning on staying there longer than 45 minutes, which, let’s face it: you’re not.

Far less visible than Carrey’s huge head is the navigation menu at the bottom. Let’s try and use it. I picked “news”

Those this blimp flies across the screen and it’s got the latest Carrey news. Pretty straight forward, except for the whole blimp thing I guess. I like that it obscures his face. Or, one of them, anyways.

You probably can’t see but the rumors are true: Carrey will indeed be visiting “The Chelsea Handler Show” on November 09!!! Won’t that be the meeting of the minds? What’s that? It’s the 19th? I MISSED IT?!?! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKk

New Category: Biography

After they did a countdown for some reason, it did a crazy flash move into clouds and stuff and we end up here.

Awesome, just what everyone wanted to see. So inside his uh… eye veins… it says “biography” and “gallery”  Also, this is animated. It pulsates and shifts and stuff like that. It’s pretty great, actually.

Here’s his bio:

My favorite part is how the words on the fringes are blacked out and stuff, so you can’t read them very well.

That number 6 there is part of the countdown thing. Everything you do requires a countdown. After liftoff, I was brought here, even though I don’t remember clicking on anything:

Which is perfect, really, because it’s totally where I wanted to go. This is the filmography section, where you can watch the original trailers of all his movie, which seem to imported from youtube.

The rest of the site is one disturbingly glorious location after another. Here’s where you can watch his TV work/ play Mortal Kombat with a friend in Vietnam:

Here’s some more:

I can’t comment too much on this. What’s there to say? These designs are really awesome. They’re also animated and make sound effects. It’s definitely worth checking out once/ showing a friend later/ writing a blog post about it.

It’s not that useful, but I mean what are you gonna use a Jim Carrey site for? You can just watch clips on youtube or TV or something. It’s a lot of flash and not too much substance, but, I mean, what an epic business card. Everything took awhile to load for me, though.

To sum up: this is a site I would’ve thought was amazing when I first discovered the internet was invented.

Tags: Reviews, Web Sights, movies, tv // 4 Comments »