Hey you know who likes animals? Everybody who isn’t an asshole. You know who likes lists? Everyone on the internet. Why? I dunno, maybe they’re retarded or something.

Anyways, I have brilliantly fused the two most SEO friendly terms for the most pandering post ever: A list about animals. In pop culture.

We’ll start with frogs, because they’re awesome. I’ve always liked them, but they kind of get a bad rap. It’s bullshit, really. They don’t cause warts. They just chill and be awesome. That’s all they want and that’s all they ask. To all the haters, fuck off.

Anyways, let’s start off with the king of all frog media:

Kermit The Frog

What a classic character. Definitely the coolest pig fucker I know. Probably the only one I know, that I care to speak of at least. He’s a host, a musician (damn good banjo player), a jealousy inspiring lover, and a gonzo journalist (pardon the expression). To sum up: he’s the man.

By far the most famous Muppet (”not quite a mop, not quiet a puppet, to answer your question, I don’t know”) Kermit was created by Jim Henson way back in 1955. Originally a lizard, his creator quickly came to his senses. Lizards are pretty cool too, but one the one time I tried picking one up, its tail broke off and it ran away. While that was kind of cool, I still think they’re dicks for not wanting to hang out with me.

Anyways, he was originally created using a ladies coat and ping pong balls for the eyes. His status as main Muppet came from his lightweight nature, making it easy for Henson to carry on his arms for long periods of time.

He’s also got crossover appeal, being the only Muppet to appear on both Sesame Street and The Muppet Show. It’s Sesame Street’s 40th anniversary by the way, in case you didn’t google anything this week.

I could talk about him for a long time, but I have other, lesser, frogs to get to. But I will leave you on this note: his best friend is a bear who doesn’t eat him because he knows that the world would be that much less bad ass without him.

Next up: Michigan J. Frog

You probably recognize him as being featured in one of the most classic/ frustrating Looney Tunes cartoons of all time. I mean, couldn’t he have just sang for others? What was his problem? I hate that shit. It’s like in horror movies when someone sees something terrible in a room, but it’s not there when they go and show it others. Except way gayer than that.

He is probably more notoriously known as the irritating mascot of the dubba dubba dubba you bee. He was everywhere. And he didn’t say anything else besides that. And if he did, I didn’t want to hear it. He died silent death when UPN and WB merged to form the CW in the fall of 2006. No one noticed or cared.

Leap Frog

Leap frog is a learning tool/ toy for children. It teaches them how to count, spell, and presumably, eat flies. According to this youtube clip, he has a show too. A HILARIOUS show. I totally unironically laughed at the joke at the end. Watch it. It’s only 17 seconds.

Keroppi

Like Hello kitty, Keroppi is alumni to the Japanese company Sanrio.

You may know him as the frog on the pencils you borrowed from the ESL students in elementary schools and conveniently “lost”.

According to Wikipedia, Keroppi “loves adventure, and his bubbly personality makes him popular around Donut Pond. He has a brother called Koroppi and a sister called Pikki. Keroppi is a fantastic swimmer and singer (but not at the same time!) He was created in 1987 and was born on July 10. His hometown is Donut Pond.” How adorable.

I did not gather the plot from watching the intro. There appears to be no conflict whatsoever. It must derive from the fact that he can’t swim and sing at the same time. That’s GOTTA be a bitch.

Frogger

I hope you didn’t watch all 1:38 of that. Because I did, for some reason. That song just really got to me, I guess.

Unless you’re a Jehovahs Witness or something, you probably know Frogger as a classic arcade game from 1981 about a loveable frog with a dream. That dream: to get to the other side of the screen without dying.

It was originally called “Highway Crossing Frog”, but then decided that the title wasn’t desciptive enough so they changed it to “Highway Crossing Frog Game For Quarters (25 cents).” Then they thought that was too descriptive and changed it to “Frogger.” Good idea. But like all video game classics, this game is frustrating as all hell.

Although Frogger definitely has it’s place in the video game hall of fame, it’s true legacy is inspiring this classic television scene:

Anyways, that’s all for now. I didn’t include toads because toads are not frogs. And I never read “Wind In The Willows” and pretty much never plan to. If you have any requests for the next animal to cover, let me know.

Tags: Animal Kingdom of Pop, Video Games, tv // 1 Comment »