Let’s just get this out of the way: McDonald’s is amazing. Ever since I have been alive, it’s been amazing. When I was a kid I would cry about eating anything that wasn’t McDonalds. Because McDonald’s was/ is the shit. It’s not just the food, which is amazing. McDonald’s has probably mastered the art of branding better than anymore. Even seeing the colors gets me psyched. See, they get you when you’re kids, and that yellow and red pretty much owns you for life.

To be honest, I  don’t pay as much attention to McDonald’s commercials these days because I’m sold. I need no further convincing. Plus, they got more “urban”, which is bad for everyone.

Anyways, let’s take a walk down memory lane to revisit some classic McDonald’s commercials we may or may not have been alive for.

Here’s one from 86:

Bribe your kids with junk food, they will do anything. If you have more than one child, do not feed the other child until it is their turn to be bribed. It ruins the effectiveness of the bribe. Stakes must be high.

I never knew the lyrics for this song until now. It’s a great tune, who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?

I like how the girl notes that she’s “still alive”. Previous children in this family who performed piano recitals have apparently not fared  as well.

Let’s go a little further back, to the 70’s:

Wow, a lot’s changed. In the 70’s, McDonald’s exclusively employed homosexuals. In fact, a few white people even worked there. The effort towards cleanliness, judging by this commercial, was Herculean. I understand why they do not practice it anymore. Also, Chris Farley was once a McDonald’s manager and had aged very well until his untimely death.

While we’re still in the 70’s, we may as well look around a little bit:

Hey, I know what will save money. Let’s not hire actors. Let’s just talk to people at the restaurant and ask them what they’re eating. Let’s film old people because they won’t know WHAT’s going on. But hey, that big mac box. Pretty bad ass. The big mac EXLODES out of that box. Inconvenient if you’re driving, but bad ass.

Oh man, McDonald’s breakfast. So amazing. The weird part about this commercial was that this song already played in my head every morning before I even saw this commercial. HOW DID THEY KNOW IT WAS THERE.

Also, note the Styrofoam (TM). Most of McDonald’s packaging was Styrofoam back in the good old days until people started protesting it for environmental reasons (you can read about it here: http://www.edf.org/page.cfm?tagID=1448).

Sorry that was boring. Let’s watch another commercial:

I don’t even know what to say about this one. Grimace was a VILLAIN?! I feel betrayed. He has been working for the other side all this time. I blame it on the coke, personally. The coke and the shakes: they go hand in hand. Also, to Ronald and co: worst ruse ever.

A word about the drug references: One thing about McDonald land characters are criticized for are their resemblance to characters in Sid and Marty Kroft shows. The Krofts produced a few popular 70’s children shows that were also known for their “wink wink nudge nudge” drug references (H.R. Pufnstuf). You can contrast and compare for yourself. Here’s another McDonaldland commercial, pay special attention to Mayor McCheese:

Yeah let’s take a “trip” to McDonald land. I know it’s cliche to point this kind of stuff out but Christ, what was going on? They might as well just played “White Rabbit” over that shit.

And now watch this clip from H.R. PufnStuf. Or I guess kind of scan it, because it seems fairly unwatchable:

Well I found a shitload of these, so you can expect more of this. Thank you for letting me thoroughly waste your time. If I get any free McDonalds coupons it’d be totally worth it.

Tags: Advertising, Food // 4 Comments »